It’s my Life

I write this while I am still in High School, but by the time this is published, I will be in the cold harsh world of reality. Is this a retirement post? No, I will still be posting here until I just don’t have the time. What am I doing you may now ask? This is my memoir of the time from 8th grade to senior year. Yup, I spent this many years on Club Penguin and Armies combined.

It started August 5th, 2008. I was bored, Tired of Webkinz and Only interested in the stuffed animals then. The game bored me by being extremely kid friendly to the point where I could only talk to the few friends I had with pre-written phrases. What I decided to do was try to find ways of breaking the game by getting money or more pets. When doing that I came across Club Penguin. Went to the website and was awed by how big it was. I asked my mom if I could join and she said I could since Disney owned it. It wasn’t until January I do believe that I discovered armies. It was before May of 09 for certain because I had a Blue Dragon costume and was with the Ice Warriors. That lasted until August because one year after making my Club Penguin account, I moved and dropped off the face of armies. It wasn’t until Late October that year did I start going on Club Penguin more because I wanted to meet my real life girlfriend at the time on there when she had Swine Flu. It was November of 2009 did I come across the Ice Warriors chat again where I was still hated by most. They did accept me though because I had met the infamous Jeepkid and didn’t like him. I did join Crew on their side of the war though with an army I was more or less in control of called the Star Fighters of Club Penguin. Chips went to ACP and I nearly joined them until I found an army the Ice Warriors hated. That army was the true start of my career.

The Sun Troops. The Original ones that merged with the Golden Warriors. That is where I went. From there is where I grew in fame, power, and wisdom. Kinda funny how I was only in it for a little bit before being forced to leave. It was March 20th 2010 did the end of the Sun Troops occur, and what came of them is the army I devoted most of my time on here to. Golden Troops. I can honestly say I am the longest serving member of GT ever. I joined the 20th, and stayed with until Lord Pain fired me because I wouldn’t kiss his ass. Anyways, I don’t remember my time in early GT so much due to the fact I was on temporary leave in Late April to June of that year due to my grades. I started the war between IW and GT (in my eyes) but didn’t see it’s closing. What I do know is that GT won and became one of the few armies to take the capital of IW at the time, Sub Zero. I came back in June of 2010 saying that I was planning on retiring after the Nacho war that was a ceasefire. I didn’t because Ganger told me to stay and that day was the worst day in his army career. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be here.

Now I was in GT until October 24th that year, my birthday. That day a leader of GT decided to merge GT into TG because of how similar both armies were in name. The merge ended up with the retirement of 2/3 of GT troops and the other third fired from or quit Team Gold.  A plan was hatched to bring my army back, and it came back taking over ACP for one week. Then Flipper and Ken declared war on us, which I will not forgive Flipper or the ACP for. They didn’t beat us, they destroyed us. It was the first war of modern times. Flaming, the need to not cripple but ultimately destroy anyone whom dared to oppose you and your rule. Memes were starting to become apparent in armies, along with flaming. But it wasn’t until this war that ended the era of Fun Wars. After the ACP assault destroyed GT from inside-out, we were left with a couple of people still loyal. This time draws a blank on my memory because of the fact I had to deal with my cousin at the time. She turned me from an annoying git to an asshole.

December of 2011 was my first shot at leading GT, and it ended in disaster. We were rising, doing very well, The leaders of the past had more or less done as I told them to (F*ck off, let the new crowd lead). We had Me, Surf (now known as the Ben in IW), and Alex. Alex did nothing due to being in Romania, and Surf and I more or less excluded him. In his place we hired a new leader whom knew how to recruit. Things were going good until Sercan kicked us out of GT, took over, and shut it down until January. That was when the scorn of the earth became a player in armies.

Disclaimer: To avoid any offense to Our lord and savior, I will be replacing his name with “Lame” when referring to him in a bad light and when referring to him in neutral light, he will be called “Our Lord and Savior.”

When Jerry returned to GT, again, he decided to hire a 3ic who had some army experience. Our Lord and Savior ranked way faster than normal because he could recruit. He became leader and began restricting the rights we had before. Originally we could argue with the leaders about an idea if we thought it was bad. We tried with this arrogant asshole and Lord Lame had us fired. This didn’t settle well with the old crowd so treason was very high. Our Lord and Savior hired Wgfv as a new leader to hold UMA more or less under hostage. A few days later after much petition from the crowds of UMA and GT, he along with the other leaders removed Our Lord and Savior.

 photo win.png photo dick.pngNow he was removed, we had the Blue Brothers, Jerry, and Ganger in charge. Sizes were dropping so Ganger and Jerry decided to become Warriors and got couped by Me and the Blue brothers. Want more info? Here’s the post mate. So me and the brothers lead GT. GT became a political army much like RPF and lost it’s edge in battle. A rapid decline occurred and eventually we brought back Jerry and Ganger. GT was shut down until it was brought back by Ganger and I, which died because I was in GT a lot while Ganger cared about SWAT. We get into June and I have quit GT because of the troops leaving, and I joined the army I considered my favorite to lead. The Watex Warriors, My very first army. Never did I enjoy an army as much as I did leading WW. The people were easy going, No one was trying to stab you in the back and take control every five minutes. Our Lord and Savior did not even bother with WW because he deemed it a weak useless army. I am proud to say I lead WW, and though it was for a few short months, I did enjoy it. When WW was shut down, I joined good old CPAC as a philosopher, a position I still hold today. In October I asked Woton if it was possible for me to start posting about club penguin events due to my decline in activity and he did permit me to. I have posted about every party since my birthday in 2012, and I am trying to refine my style so it is good in my opinion. When Boomer retired from the council, He made me a head because of how zealous I can be with my ideals and how my ideals were something he thought would be useful. Though my time in the council more or less killed it, I did create major reforms basically by abusing my power and having the populace reel it in.  I will say I made mistakes. The attempted ban of Waterkid100 and Lord Pain, which I have posted HERE for any curious people to read, was a major mistake on my part. From my side, I made the ban in a way so you had to vote for both, or vote for neither. I gave no option to choose to keep one and ban the other. From the ones against me, the ban, and/or the council, I made it look like the council had god powers while the armies representing had jack shit. I fucked up the council, I don’t deny it.

The other thing I had some involvement in during 2013 is the obvious elephant in the room that I’ve mentioned in many of my posts. If you want my full opinion of the Black Wars, click HERE, otherwise I will give a quick review of it. I lead GT during the Black War of 2o13, I helped name the White Alliance, I supported the White Alliance and the Golden Troops were editing Pictures their most recent Generation. That wasn’t the only thing we did. I emailed Jerry for the dirt of GT I did not know of and the following in orange is his writing.

Bot Usage
When GT was first made through the famous GW/CPST merge, things weren’t escalating as we wanted it to. In fact, you could say the grand opening was a failure. Instead of the huge sizes (25+ back then during winter was considered big) we were maxing 10, good enough a Medium army. Someone (I’m going to keep their identity a secret, as they are still active in the CP Army Community) brought up the idea of using a few bots with the program Penguin Storm to boost our sizes. Apparently, he had already used them and received nice results. With a 5 man leadership, jobs were divided equally. Some used bots, some recruited, some kept the chat entertained. (Actually, two leaders were not informed of bot usage which helped keep the legitimate feeling of GT alive). And GT was soaring high. A few months in, we had won a few wars, entered the Top 3 and had a foothold of power. However, when the bots were first introduced, only 5 were used at most. Then we realized how easy they made recruiting work so we bumped it up to 10. But we would never use them during battles. Or so we thought.
Keep in mind, we were young. We were experimenting. So once we found a good thing, we abused it. It began to unravel with the DCP war. We underestimated them, and we were getting lazy. A few battles in, a thought struck all of us. “What if they actually win?” We couldn’t let it happen. And so we broke the barrier that we built ourselves. It’s amazing what a few bots per battle can do. We turned the tide around and kept the good feeling alive. But it didn’t end there. PB after PB, the management of bots got out of control. At some point, 15 clones were on the field (but this was during a recruiting session.) We deployed them in the Nacho war, and even got creative with them. We stationed a bot in every room, and had them repeat the phrase “Turn orange and go to *insert name of room where the battle was at* for free coins”. Not sure if it worked but we did max 60 against the Nachos. Without the bots, we would’ve struggled for 50. And people began to take notice. How did the GT hit 60+ with only 50 people on their chat? Of course, our excuses were the same. Jealousy, rouges, and even luck. Oblivious to the idea that we could crash, we began to get power-hungry. And that’s what ended our first generation. Not the ACP war. Not the Riotor’s Doxing scandal. Those were just the catalysts.
We thought we could take on ACP. Maybe we could have if we stuck to our original purpose for the bots. Use them only to recruit. Not in warfare. Loss after loss, troops began to leave. It’s hard to manage an army made up of 40% bots. Leaders began to retire. And so ended our golden era.
Learning from our mistakes, we kept using the bots but only for recruiting purposes. It helped us restart another successful generation, the cleanest one of all 7 of GT.
*All popular bot/cloning programs then ceased to exist after the 2nd generation of GT*

CPAC Network Power:

After a few successful generations have gone by, us leaders began to mature. We learned that this community isn’t what it seems. There were deals and alliances that go on behind the scenes that changed our perspective of CP Warfare. And for GT to survive in this world, we took part in scandals and conspiracies. One such scandal included the people and organization that this very segment is posted on. GT knew that an enormous amount of power is held by CPAC and their affiliates. Top 10s, highlights, advertisements and so on were found here. And we came to a conclusion. If GT had a strong presence in the largest news site, we would stand a better chance at fighting the good fight. We hired a few individuals who represented CPAC and offered them advising roles to help set GT’s path straight. Of course, we never needed their help, just their power. As our relations with our soldiers grew stronger, we also realized that some of them had talent in writing. So we nudged them into applying for jobs in both CPAC and SMAC. Why SMAC? Well, as a major army, it is necessary to have back up plans in case things go to hell. Consistent medium army allies would come in handy had we ever fallen that low.

And if you’re curious. It worked.


In most organizations who are highly regarded or who possess power, there are secrets locked away. There are meetings that never happened and talks behind closed doors. This secrecy also applies to CP Armies. Any leader that has made a name for himself knows it takes more than just recruiting skills to be the best. You have to ally with the right people, befriend some and distance yourself from others. And to become the best army, you’ll have to beat some of the most stable and powerful armies there are. Some armies choose to go the peaceful way, never getting involved in wars or just plain ignoring everyone else. Not GT. We took the word CP Warfare literally. We were an army. We were made for war. And war makes enemies whether you like it or not. So we lied. We allied with armies to keep from making hordes of enemies. 
I know what you’re thinking. Making fake alliances and lies isn’t all that bad. In fact, some of you are probably doing it right now. But we took it to the next level. Sometimes GT wanted to eliminate an army from the equation. And we realized war wasn’t going to cut it. So we had to get armies against them. Of course, if the army we were targeting was generally seen as “evil” we’d have an easy time getting support from others. But if the army wasn’t perceived that way, we’d have to make them seem evil. And so we did. 
The leaders of GT hired some editors to make a few pictures. Pictures that would clearly show how messed up, how barbaric the army was. And in that way, we eliminated the competition. I’m not proud of what we did. But it had to be done.
~Jerry2cool, 2013

What I do have to say about my time in armies, I learned and experienced a lot. From Leadership skills to friends I will talk to for a while yet. I learned more about politics and governments in this organization then my monotone Social Studies teacher could have ever taught me. I learned how to deal with Nazis, Mormons, Idiots and the Blue Brother Mafia when I forgot to pay them. Maybe I should be a legend in armies, I made a post in my spare time listing reasons. Click here if you want to read it.

Well now that all that is done and over with, how about a list of all my completed posts for CPAC, minus the Christmas Chaos.

One last thing, I got some jokes. Now many of you know how we have an office building that was falling apart. Recently I have spent my paycheck into renovations. Yeah my wife left me and I lost the house but I have a nice office space now. I have the top floor, glass dome ceiling so I can see all the wars, protesting, and the occasional Nazi. Now I have Booby Trapped my office to prevent Waterkid from getting in. Why not traps for Pain, the one who has been bitching at me for a year and a half? I have a lock, to unlock it you must solve a math question. 1+2=? One day I went to my office and saw someone tried to break in. Their answer to my lock was “ALL HAIL LORD PAIN.” Now I find this funny, it shows his IQ.

One thing I must say about GT, we may have done a lot of shit, but we have not committed crimes against humanity, wait we did. Any army that makes Pain a leader more than once has committed crimes against humanity. Should that mean Pretzels are Nazi Germany?

Another thing we all know of is the rage Our Lord and Savior has when he looses a battle. The reason why so many asses are not raw from him is because his dick is so small he can’t even get any.

We all know about CPAC’s top 25 gala, right? The reason why Our Lord and Savior managed to make it into the top 25 is because the guys who voted were tripping on LSD from the stuff Skloop kept in his office. Course Blue1 insists it was the Crack from SMAC.

I should stop with the jokes, but if I stop joking maybe he will stay with an army long enough to actually make it first. I personally doubt it, There is a better chance of the actual hell freezing over and not the place in Michigan with a gift shop offering free Satan Bobble Heads.

This post is officially 3175 words long, I think my longest post to date.

20 Responses

  1. Tap,

    Wow. It’s been a pretty cool ride, that you and I had. We met on GT chat one day, after I accepted my first owner rank in armies — GT 3ic — there was supposed to be an owner meeting that day, but you and I were the only ones that showed. The meeting was regarding changing GT’s name to the Warriors because it wasn’t rising. You and I both agreed that this wasn’t right, and began to plan a coup.

    Hah, look at me, three days into a rank and already planning to overthrow the leadership? Sounds like something I’d do.

    In any case, we lead GT to 7th together, and from then on we went to things like the CP Army Council, and you came here, to CPAC, as armies’ resident raging veteran, with CP Correspondent as your official rank.

    Through of all of it, I’ve enjoyed listening to what you have to say and really respect what you’ve accomplished here. Yes, I do think it is your time to leave this community, but I’m sure you’ll be going on to bigger and better things. I don’t regret anything we did together in GT or in the Council, and you’ve given me more laughs than I can count about Pain and Waterkid.

    Anyways, it’s been real, Tap. Here’s to you and everything you have ahead.


  2. One of the only people outside of IW who doesn’t think I’m now stupid Kudos to you


  3. Although we haven’t always seen eye to eye, and you’re probably mad at me for making two posts regarding Golden Troops using bots/hacking (whether true or untrue), I think we have become acquaintances over the years.

    Have fun out in the real world, br0ski.


  4. -claps awkwardly-

    No? Alright then.
    I’m not going to repeat what B1 said, so I’ll simply echo what he said and say I’ve enjoyed your discussions, rages, and our plotting together. I greatly enjoyed my two stints in GT (though I was really not a leader during the successful part), and I still think of you as Armies’ resident ‘Nam vet, liable to explode at any moment when he sees Lord Pain.

    I wish you all the best, and I say go out somewhere and use that politican’s brain for smething. It’ll come in handy for us all someday, and I do hope someday I’ll hear of the great deeds of the person formerly known as Tap Dancer36.


  5. pain is a jerk


  6. I am not retired yet, but I am the first and I think only member of armies to have actually graduated while still connected to armies. Consider this me heading into the Old People’s home.


  7. No. The IW did not hate the CPST as we were brother allies in the 2008~2009 affairs.


  8. It already seems you went past the bumps and come out as the philosophical pun-wizard of today. You’ve made a big impact on the community and I thank you and lots of people around here too.
    Odd that “Lord Lame” was part of your experience for about, 1/4 – 1/5 of the time? Must have unconsciously barged into your army career.


  9. UMA kicked some GT ass last spring hahaha.


  10. Tap, you forgot your time in Purple Heads


  11. Though we never spoke to each other that much, but when we did, it was actually amusing (I’m being honest). I remember GT myself, I served there alongside my time in SWAT, when GT was ruled by Jerry.

    To be honest, you’ve distinguished yourself amongst one of the greatest philosophers/event publishers of-all time (yes, you have), and that means you’ve impacted this Community greatly.

    In other words, I wish you the best of luck in your life, and don’t let yourself down. Good luck and goodbye.


  12. Nazi Pretzels? I sort of gave a chuckle on that one. Blame Brave if you don’t like the name.


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