Are We Fighting or Dancing?

Are we actually Club Penguin ‘armies’, or are we simply dancing? 

Those of you who were here back in 2011- I’d like to remind you of a post written long ago here on CPAC. It’s called ‘Snowballs’, and it’s written by the legend Shaboomboom. You can (re)read it here if you wish, but basically the main point of the post is to remind us of what CP Warfare actually is. Shab says:

We chant, we use emotes, we use spams and jokes and joke bombs and charges and formations and stuff like that. But we’ve forgotten the most important thing, the only thing that makes sense to use in the first place but for some reason is now ignored….the snowball.

He also says that what we’re doing right now is actually a ‘dance recital’:

That’s right, a dance recital. That’s what you’re having. You’re all prancing around in a room making formations yelling in high pitched voices “Nacho Army Nacho Army” or “ACP RULES ACP RULES” or “WATEX WARRIORS WIN WATEX WARRIORS WIN.”

Of course, it’s been two years since 2011, so let’s see how armies are going these days. Here’s a picture from the recent Battle of Snow Fort.

No snowball throwing here, certainly. 😛

This is basically two lines of people. One small line is dressed in green and is talking about ice cream, while the other line is simply standing there shouting that they win. This is what CP Warfare is.

To be honest, all the pictures do kinda remind me of competitive dancing.


Don’t you think it can be more than this?


The Modern Battle

Before I go on, I want to examine what constitutes a modern CP battle:

  • Size: which army is bigger
  • Tactics: which army does better ‘tactics’- you know what I mean
  • Formations: how the army forms itself in a room (eg. a line, a circle)

(Now, the reason that I say modern is because while size has always been a major deciding factor, tactics and formations have not…

…as evidenced in this picture).

Armies- Dance Groups?

Let’s forget for a minute that we’re living in something called ‘CP Armies’. Instead, let’s call them CP Dance Groups. This is how the whole thing works. Each dance competition is decided by 1) which dance group has more people, 2) how well they entertain us by using emotes and singing and chanting, and 3) how well they form themselves into shapes.

You start to see how similar armies really are to dance groups. We don’t fight ‘wars’ against each other; a more accurate word would be we’re challenging each other to dance competitions.

And let’s reflect a bit here. Is all this actually fun? Do you actually have fun or excitement giving out endless random emotes in the hope that finally the other dance group will log off because they’re bored?

We’re essentially doing something very repetitive, uncreative and boring.

Up to this point I’ve written quite a lot already, so we’ll be taking a short Nutella break. What comes after are my ideas on how we can change armies so that perhaps it resembles fighting and battling slightly more than competitive dancing.

Before we go on…

These are just my ideas. If you hate them- fine with me. These are entirely just suggestions that even I myself do not believe will be implemented. But please- there’s no need to rant on in the comments about how my ideas are crap. This is a philosophy post, okay?


First I want to say that I have to agree with Shab’s emphasis on snowballs. While it would be an exaggeration to say that snowballs are really *that* important, they are and were what led to the start of armies. What was the origin of ‘battles’? Snowballs. In the days when innocent people still played Club Penguin (I know, it sounds so distant that you probably can’t really remember it anymore), people would gather around and throw snowballs at each other.

(oh holy mother of god this is like an unknown fact)

Therefore, it’s safe to conclude that snowballs are really the roots of armies. To abandon the snowball is to abandon what started us. Snowballs really are a form of ‘fighting’ on CP that we can use, so I’m not exactly sure why it’s so ignored these days, but one small step towards moving away from ‘dancing’ is to start throwing more snowballs.

Rethinking Battles?

As I’ve said earlier, today’s battles are simply just competitive dancing against each other. How could we make it resemble a ‘battle’ more? Let’s go through this thought experiment together.

The first thing is that in a real battle, armies don’t know where to meet each other. There’s always been cases where armies sometimes bypass each other even though they’re right next to each other, just because a mountain is blocking each other from sight. So first let’s ban the use of maps. NO using maps to move around. You can only move from room to room. 

The army obviously gets to pick where to start. Say, Army A picks the Dock, while Army B picks the Plaza. Now it’s their job to find each other. Historically, the army that has better scouts always have an advantage because they can alarm their army more quickly about the position of their enemy and hence attack quickly.

Screen Shot 2013-04-12 at 4.57.58 PM

In this case, we’ll say that an Army B scout finds Army A first. Army B moves quickly enough to find Army A still at the dock. Now, since we’re so accustomed to it, I would say that the traditional ‘tactics’ (eg. emote bombs, joke bombs) be used. The ‘dancing’ we know and love so much would probably still continue to be used, but here’s a few changes I’d like to see:

  • More snowballs: we already talked about this a few times in this post
  • More charging: this is something that’s really going to change us from just dancing. I know that charges are made all the time but really, do more. Charges are what breaks up an enemy formation and isn’t that what you want to do? Make your enemy disorganized?

And here’s a very controversial idea that I have. Could we bring back room claiming? This is the idea where ‘if an army claims five rooms, they win the server’. But of course, the army can only claim that room once they have proven that while battling in that room, they’ve 1) been consistently bigger, 2) used better tactics and 3) managed to break up the enemy formation. So in our scenario: Army B surprises Army A at the dock. Army B charges into Army A’s line, joke bombs the whole thing and causes confusion among the ranks of Army A. Army A retreats to the Beach, and Army B claims the Dock. At the Beach, however, Army A is charged again and manages to reform the line, and so fierce emote-fighting breaks out between the two. It is clear that Army A has better tactics in this room, however, and the sizes are equal, and so Army B moves back to the Dock.

And so on and so forth.

. . .

Yes, you HATED my idea.

And guess what? I did too. 😉 

Really, that idea was not usable at all, because it creates the deadlock in the way that what if two armies just keep fighting in a room and no one retreats? That’d be rather chaotic, so no, this idea is obviously not usable. Obviously, it’s going to take a much greater mind than me to reform the way armies battle.

However, I just wanted to write this post to prompt people into thinking that perhaps we could be more imaginative in the way we fight our battles. Try to make it less ‘dancing’ and more ‘battling’. Perhaps it’s going to be more fun for all of us.

Thanks for reading.


CPAC Vice President

54 Responses

  1. This post is crap. I’ve read it and this is not a post that will meet the expectations of a CPAC reader.Please delete it from your memory once you have read it. I promise that I will try much harder on my next post.


  2. Nice Post.


  3. I loved fighting back in the day but I realized a long time ago that it will never came back. Why? Because warfare has evolved.

    This may sound stupid but think of it in real life. What if the US Army decides to invade another country using swords, flintlocks and cannons. This was the warfare a couple hundred years ago, completely different to current times and they would get decimated.

    Now let’s say Nachos continue their war against the ACP throwing only snowballs, no emotes, no pro-nacho chants, no recruiting of rogues and no lines. ACP would win hands down, yes Nachos have a great size but standing in a corner throwing snowballs whilst ACP joke bomb them. ACP win.

    Yes I’d love to see old CP Warfare come back but only because I’m nostalgic when I go on Club Penguin but you have to realize that it will never come back. Some armies do endorse the throwing of snowballs or no dancing. For example, in the UMA, Harv, myself and a few others don’t dance and we throw snowballs at the enemy. This is the closest you’re going to get to old fighting.


    • Of course, if a change is going to happen the whole community would have to change, or otherwise we’d have that ACP-Nacho scenario you pointed out. I don’t see this happening, however.


  4. Actually, I do agree with you and you’ve made quite the combat, delivering your opinion. You’ve made your argument and that’s what matters. 😛


  5. I loved this post. Thank you and well done.


  6. Wonderful post! I like every idea except room claiming. I remember claiming rooms in 2011. We only did it if the army was a no-show(in iw that is)


  7. Wars like these were more intense, and many posts have been created under this topic throughout the past few years.

    Armies were more organized back in the years when we actually didn’t have the tactics that we currently use up to date, so I strongly agree with this post.

    Good job.


  8. Back when I lead GT and WW, I tried to get us to use snowballs because Tactics and dancing, though useful at getting SOME recruits, are boring. We made tactics so we could beat our enemies in ways they haven’t seen before, and now everyone uses them so now what.


  9. This is so stupid

    Who the hell wants to back into the nooby days and throw snowballs at each other. BORING. It does not show the power your army has, just shows how much of a low life you are when you spend hours throwing snowballs that don’t do anything.

    It’s like America deciding to go old school and invade North Korea using swords and horses.

    Then again I didn’t read the whole post because I pressed ctrl+f and this post didn’t mention waterkid100, so once again you failed to make an interesting post.


  10. Lmfao at the “Ice warriors win!” pic


  11. Reblogged this on Club Penguin Army Advertising and commented:
    To keep you CPPA readers busy.


  12. One thing that doesn’t make sense is lines, you’d rarely ever see any type of war fought in a line unless in a trench or something, a bunch much like the Roman Turtle makes more sense.


  13. totally agree splashy my old friend


  14. This theory has been the subject of a post so many unnecessary times before. Yes, everybody in this community realizes that our *tactics* aren’t reminiscent of anything spectacular; just people doing coordinated symbols and such. But we get it. This post proves stuff that we’ve already known about more or less.


  15. This seems like a pretty good idea but it would be hard to enforce in everyday practice battles, wars etc. but I think it would be really awesome if CPAC would hold an “Old School” Tournament with judges to determine winners of each room and we had to use snowballs and other old tactics of battling. I would definitely want to sign up for a tournament like that.


  16. Pretty much what Beeky had said.

    Otherwise, yeah, infusing old day tactics would be a great new trend. Snowballs are great, and you can still incorporate the chants by ordering your troops to say “OPEN FIRE” on the enemy. Armies will continue to evolve into new strategies with new strategic minds. I need that Nutella break though, Splasher, thank you.


  17. Splasher, you are in the right room, but knocking on the right door. CP Army Warfare indeed would be much better if we tried to make it like warfare. Instead of dancing and doing fart emotions, we could be staging guerrilla attacks, and fighting with snowballs, and having bases and HQ’s set up. But people cant and wouldn’t do bases and HQ’s because we have chats. They say snowballs are too boring. And their idea of guerrilla warfare is the J-bomb.

    “Fixing things isn’t the problem. Discovering whether they are broken or not is.” – Mach


    • The idea of Xats demand a whole post to themselves (which I guess I’m not going to do because tons of posts about how Xat can replace CP has been done already).


  18. This is by no means a new concept. However, it does bring some new factors to the argument. Very good post. And, of all the things that make this dance and not war, the one I hate the most is lines. What is the point of calling it warfare if the enemy always knows where you are? In real wars, history has proven time and time again that lines are ineffective. We should be constantly moving. Trying to drive the opposition out of the room. Sending scouts to locate the enemies current position. Of course, I think one of the main reasons why this will never happen, is it will be the demise of small armies. But frankly, I think the reason why we are not seeing many new recruits is this. Who wants to stand in a line and press buttons that are being barked at them for 30 minutes? All so both armies can claim victory. Just my thoughts (wary)


  19. This is the first CPAC I acctually liked. Armies should go back in like snowball throwing and making groups, not lines. It’s better than spamming tactics all day.


  20. Splasher, I need to talk to you on chat or anywhere you’re available.


  21. Do you seriously need to ask whether or not we are fighting or dancing come on this is Club Penguin we are talking about


  22. All right im new to cp armies. But if you cant see hes right then your blind cp armies are boring


  23. And we need to fix it. (sorry pressed comment button to soon)


  24. I really like this idea! It would involve a ton more strategy and you couldn’t really do this with rouges. I think that this idea would be a great way to see which army has a better strategist and which leader has more control of the army. However, unlike the picture, the armies would need to be farther apart, Like the beach and the cove. But you get the picture.


  25. actually my army is based on color and we are gonna mix the old and the new way to beat other armies 😀


  26. we’re dancing!!!


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