SATIRE: Galaxie Pulls a Jewjew: Is Not Really a Rabbi

MAMMOTH, GALAXIE ENTERPRISES- The most famous Joo of CP Armies, Galaxie3, has admitted he is not, infact, a Rabbi.

We’ve all heard the story. Galaxie3, CP Army’s Most Famous Jew, has admitted today that he lied to the army media a few weeks ago about his training to become a Rabbi, an esteemed member of the Jewish faith. Galaxie also has admitted that his “injuries” were a lie — however, he did crash a snowmobile into a tree two years ago, sources say. To get more on this story, I traveled to Mammoth, a server Galaxie “purchased” a few months ago — during the “Galaxie Rocks” campaign to pawn off servers to army leedurs — to interview him on this shocking development.

Blue1: Hello Galaxie.

Galaxie: Hey.

Blue1: So, you are not really a rabbi?

Galaxie: No.

Blue1: So you were never training to become a rabbi?

Galaxie: nono

Blue1: Can you elaborate on that?

Galaxie: Well, there are two parts. I faked an injury two years ago (or 1 and 1/2), because I went on an unexpected fishing trip, and needed an excuse to stay on CPAC. The second time was when I went to Montreal so I faked going on a Rabbi course.

Blue1: So you did not cloister yourself in your home and read the ancient teachings of Abraham?

Galaxie: Well I did, I just didn’t become a Rabbi.

Blue1: Do you plan to?

Galaxie: No, it was just an excuse to get away from CPAC.

Blue1: Any final comments?

Galaxie: I love money.

Blue1: Money hates you. Thanks for your time.

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So, as you can see, Galaxie has pulled a Jewjew and will not be attending Rabbi School. This comes as a huge shock to the army community, as we need a new Rabbi, and need one bad. Although, this may be good, we don’t want the Jews to develop their own molestation scandal. For CPAC, I’m Bluesockwa1.

๖̶̶̶ۣۜмaтт.вℓυєѕσ¢кωa1

CPA Central CEO

23 Responses

  1. FIRST!11!!11!!11!

    Like

  2. obvious abuse is obvious

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  3. LMFAO

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  4. Lol

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  5. Lmfao, “Money hates you.”

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  6. I suggest putting a read more button in. It takes up a lot of space…

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  7. LAWL.

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  8. “…however, he did crash a snowmobile into a tree two years ago…” Key detail *wary*

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  9. Ill be a rabbi

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  10. LMAO

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  11. i’m still a jew and i still wear a kippah every 3 months (wary)

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  12. Omg no rabbi? What will the CP Army Community do without the ways of the Jewish being taught? We’ll all perish soon.

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  13. “Blue1: So you did not cloister yourself in your home and read the ancient teachings of Abraham?

    Galaxie: Well I did, I just didn’t become a Rabbi.”

    lmao.

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  14. Can we make fun of someone besides Galaxie for a change?

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  15. I read the title and could not stop laughing. Jewjew. Juju. Freaking brilliant! Omg. How come no has mentions in the comments??

    Like

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