Satire: RE: Tired and Tardy

Joee’s edit: I just can’t believe you’re leaving Warmy 😦 You were the most amazing, inventive sham leader ever. I’m sure the entire CP Army community will mourn your departure. Live long and prosper.

It is my solemn regret that I, Warmhands4321, CP Army Enthusist and Warm Warriors Founder/Leader will be retiring from CP Armies. I will be leaving… forever. Yes, I know you all love me and would hate to see me go, but I have some specific reasons and motives for my departure. However, first, I’d like commend the Warm Warriors for being the historic, intelligent army they are. I really love you guys. Except you, Mandaa45. You’re a huge slut and should stop getting on tinychat. Go drink some bleach

Anyway, back to why I am retiring. There are several deciding factors to why I am leaving you all, and here are my reasons:

  • I’m 19 years old and have been playing this game for nearly 6 years.
  • My beautiful xat girlfriend/wife recently divorced me, her name was L1z, and she has completely broken my heart );
  • I’ve been doing poorly in school, and senior courses can get tough.
  • I just can’t believe she’d dump me for some “younger” guy in ACP’s leadership with more xat powers. </3
  • CP Armies have inspired me to join the Coast Guard, which I need to prepare for.
  • Some of my nudes were posted online.
  • I miss her so much ;( L1z if you are reading this, I want you to know I love you baby.
  • Fapped on cam and people still make fun of me for it and I don’t know why.
  • My parents are kicking me off the computer more often, something about being “more social” or some crap.
  • My computer has been getting viruses from the pr0n I have been watching.
  • The 2012 Doomsday is getting nearer and nearer, and I gotta be prepared.

However, if the world doesn’t end, I’ll probably come back on Christmas or even before then since my army depends on me and I do everything and you lazy female dogs should recruit by going on Riffy chat and advertising our chat there. And no, just because I am quitting CP Armies forever doesn’t mean you can have my xat powers! Also, you may be asking, “Warm, who is gonna lead the spicy/manly/epic army Warm Warriors in your place?!?” Well I’ll tell you who!

My cousin and neighbor, Blewpaint will be leading the Warm Warriors for me! And so I can always go over to his house and monitor you guys from there.

My cousin also agreed on letting me keep my main owner and admin on site. 😀

I may come back to armies however, if…

  • I get ACP 1ic
  • L1z remarries me on xat and we RP make out.
  • I get CP Army Legend since I’m just so amazing and I sacrificed so much time sitting on chat and logging on CP for an authenic virtual award given to me by a website run by teenagers.
  • Warm Warriors get 1st in Top Ten (I need to speak with Blue1)
  • I start getting better grades.
  • The Warm Warriors die because their leaders are degenerates and I am their one, supreme ruler who they all love and listen to.
  • CPAC elects me as their official Breakfast Club President.
However, the good news is, that although I am retiring from CP Armies forever I may stay on CPAC and post about philosophy for the longest time and then poke my nose in on everyone’s business while simultaneously recreating the old CP Army Council.
Anyhow, moving on. Here are some of my goodbyes;
Pizzarn – Pizza, I know you’re from 2007 and we only met on CP once, I just have to say you inspired me to be so much more than what I was at that time.

L1z – ily bby u b3tiful u so sxy xoxoxoxxxxxxx plz dnt leve me umg nu plz ily su muh

Chloe4589 – We had some fun times together on Vanilla (:<
Chawbumbum –  I’ve loved you forever, we basically grew up together (merterphericerly) the past four and a half years, and you’re like my internet swagbro. You’re my go-to-gay for basically pron and drugs, and I hope we keep in touch even after we leave this stuff for good, you know, despite me already retiring.
Bimpo_da_Bop – Bimp you were mah pimp from like four years ago. I know you don’t even check these sites anymore, I just thought I’d tell you I love you man. Nohomo by the way, even though we were at one point.
Riot – You were great in bed.
Blue1/2 – You were some legit homies ❤ I love you guys like I’d love my pet goat (if I had one).
Joee – Please let’s cyber one last time. You were the most manly, epic, spicy bro I’ve ever had. You’re so amazing.
Kayt – You’re like my online sister/daughter thing since for you to exist I had to… uh… wrestle with mom.Oh well, I love you and miss you.
And for everyone else: I love you all ❤ except that one girl I mentioned earlier, Mandaa45. You can go hang yourself and make some attention seeking note-card video about it.
Oh well, here at 915+ words I must bid thee farewell. I’LL MISS YOU GUYS.

Good-bye all.

See you guys tomorrow.

-Warmhands4321

If you find this, then you’re sexy and I love you. This post was written by Joee as a mock retirement post. You are all beautiful ❤

13 Responses

  1. >beautiful xat girlfriend
    Well I think this is pretty much sums up this post.
    BTW, I’ve never heard of Warm Warriors, and there’s no 2012 doomsday.

    Like

  2. woah dude your 19? when do people quit CP these days? good luck to you man

    Like

  3. What was this about again?

    Like

  4. Nice troll.

    Like

  5. LOL

    Like

  6. Love is love. This is what people strive for.

    Like

  7. Sad to see you go!

    Like

  8. im cring

    Like

  9. Lmao. This post is actually hilarious once you figure out what It’s about.

    Like

  10. I love satire! But at the end you were pushing it a bit

    Like

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