The Legends Page

It’s right here. The glorious Legends page. The page where people come to fap to admire the leaders of the hour. Who are the leaders of the hour? They are THE SHIT. Gods, Kings, Creators, etc. of CP warfare. If you manage to get on this page then you’ll be known everywhere as the guy who somehow got on the Legends page just for reading this post.

NSFW BECAUSE POST CONTAINS PENGUINS AND NOLIVES WHICH YOU SHOULDN’T BE LOOKING AT WHEN YOU’RE AT WORK AND ALSO BECAUSE THERE’S SOME CURSING

But one does not simply edit themselves into the Legends page. Every now and then somebody on CPAC makes a poll with the purpose of nominating those who deem themselves worthy to have their name shown in bright Angry Birds font on such a page.

After people get nominated for the categories (there are 4 in all: Pioneers, Revolutionaries, Great Leaders, and Strategic Masters), The general public votes on them and finally after much debate…. like 3-4 people are chosen to be Legends. It’s almost like elections for the President, only if you are elected then the rest of your career in the community is going to look like this:

What makes Legends voting so confusing is the nominations beforehand, where you have kids trying to land themselves a spot on this page for all sorts of bullshit reasons as demonstrated in the comment below…

And even though I think kangaroodude was just trolling around, there were also some comments on that particular Nominations post that wanted Deliburger as a legend. You know Deliburger, leader of SWAT last year, a bit on the immature side, and the sort of person who, if he were to make a CPAC 2011 Halloween party with a raffle of maybe more than 500 xats, would ask Funks or either of the Bluesockwas to “pitch in their share of xats” to help him fund the raffle since he couldn’t pay up the winner on his own. Oh wait, he did that. Anyways, the only people nominating Deliburger were SWAT members, who all had the same reasons: SWAT wouldn’t be the same without Deli; He’s real nice to his troops; He’s a great leader, etc. And since most people can’t seem to get this to stay in their brain, I’ll provide a list of criteria of how you CANNOT GET IN THE LEGENDS PAGE:

  • IF YOU REVIVED AN ARMY AND BROUGHT IT UP TO THE TOP 5 YOU ARE NOT A LEGEND
  • IF YOU HAVE REVIVED MULTIPLE ARMIES AND BROUGHT THEM UP TO THE TOP 5 YOU ARE NOT A LEGEND UNLESS THEY ARE ALL IN THE TOP 5 AT ONCE AND EVEN IF YOU DID THAT YOU’RE STILL AN ARMY HOPPER WHICH I UTTERLY DESPISE
  • IF YOU ARE NICE TO YOUR TROOPS THEN YOU ARE NOT A LEGEND, YOU ARE YOUR ARMY’S YES-MAN
  • IF YOU HAVE REVIVED ARMIES AND MADE THEM RISE THEN BE CONSISTENT, DO NOT RETIRE ONCE YOUR ARMY IS ABOUT TO START FALLING
  • IN SAW’S CASE, DON’T ALTERNATE FROM LEADING AN ARMY TO THE TOP SPOT TO DDOSING CPAC AND DOXING PEOPLE, ETC.

And whew after that large caps storm I think you have a good impression that I actually don’t enjoy being on steroids.

But other than that, you might have learned that legend is a term thrown loosely around those who lead well like how a 
lasso does to a rock when a cowboy is practising for the upcoming rodeo. I personally think that being a Legend means much more than just leading something. Being a Legend is a very prestigious honor that, if you want to go for it, you should be working hard to get from the beginning. Your mind must be dead set on one day being on that page.

And If you’re one of those guys who happens to be naturally PRO at leading something and making new tactics or introducing a totally original concept to the community, then it won’t be so hard. Being the leader of some big army will just back up the impression that you’re well on your way to being known all over the community as that legend.

One reason I’m not nominated for anything but being funny isn’t because I’m bad at leading (I’m just indecisive), It’s because I don’t have any good ranks in any armies to back up my reputation. The only army I’ve been in my entire career is IW and it’s because of my habit to not do much and the fact that Icey never retired until 3 years into my career that I haven’t been leader of IW, even after so long. But Albert deserves the rank because he’s a good leader. But this doesn’t mean that he should be a legend, because as far as I know he hasn’t been in very many armies either. Icey clogging up the ranks by being leader for such a long time has made a new leader of IW pretty rare, which means if someone gets the position you know there’s going to be a lot of penguin-gasms. But it’s probably going to die down as IW finally starts flowing again, with new leaders and owners every year or few months.

The TRUE legends by which you currently know of as Pink Mafias and Oagalthorp don’t even need to be thoroughly investigated to see if they were really legend material. Both of them did incredibly influential things to CP warfare, and in Pink Mafias’s case, CP itself (He ran a CP hack site). Both of them sent their armies clashing against each other in one of the biggest wars in CP warfare history, and Pink Mafias was only defeated when UMA quite literally split in half after the creation of RPF. As with Oagal, you ask one question and you’re considered a noob. The guy CREATED CP ARMIES (this is disputed as Icyboy, ahem a guy who today gets drunk and arrested for possession, claimed to have created the CP Army, which he said was THE first army). But colloquially Oagal is credited as the father of CP armies for the simple factor that back then he was a little kid waltzing around CP and then suddenly decided that the island, back when it allowed more freedom in what you did, needed an army. But not just any army, THE ARMY. OF CLUB PENGUIN. And in sniping such a popular name and color and uniform did he create a spark of influence, which prompted others to create their own armies, akin to how a cell splits or how gossip about Icey’s huge-ass porn file spreads around a community. Without Oagal, we wouldn’t be here because nobody else would’ve thought up the idea of an ACP without plagiarizing off somebody who thought of it first. And thus here we are, nominating more legends for already chock-full page.

In closing, I like to consider the Legends Page as sort of a “Heaven” for retired people or for those who have strived to achieve MORE, gone up and beyond. No offense to those who are religious. But people should understand that the Legends Page is MUCH harder to be featured on than most people think. And lastly,

Being nice to your soldiers and “being a great leader” in ONE army that maxes 10 makes you about as legible to be in the Legends Page as my armpit is.

~War News has come home

 

31 Responses

  1. I bribed my soldiers to vote me for most important legend

    Like

  2. Nice Post! Lol Kangaroodude x)

    Like

  3. Oagal didn’t create CP Armies, IcyBoy did. IcyBoy or IcyFresh, don’t remember the name.

    Like

  4. Gordy’s Penguins are missing the white belly thing.

    Like

  5. If all those things don’t make you a legend, what does?
    inb4leadingacp

    Like

  6. swearing in posts is unprofessional

    Like

  7. I was in the Russian Red Army in 1944, I was exiled from the USSR for saving a polish family I was ordered to kill. To avoid capture I fled to Vietnam where I joined the Vietcong to fight off the American invaders. After the Vietcong disbanded I moved to Laos where I waited until the Soviet Union fell, I tried to come back to Mother Russia, but I was not allowed. So now I live in the USA.

    I am a legend.

    Like

  8. I’d like you to say what DOES make you legend. Also Nodear created CP Flyers and lead them to top 5.

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  9. I created blahs of cp
    they maxed 3
    averaged 0
    im automatically an awesome legend
    ~blahah creator of blahs of cp

    Like

  10. Gordy must`ve wrote this post because he got on the legends page.

    Like

  11. Gordy, stop tatatawating and get back to my massage table and finish that massage you said you would give me. I AM YOUR GOD *D*

    Like

  12. Gordy nice comic thingy

    Like

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